Best of Ourselves

Positive mindsets help you perform better when challenged

2012-01-15T09:50:00.001-08:00

The January/February Harvard Business Review explores the value of happiness. Lots of interesting information in this edition. Just wanted to share one study that gave me hope. This is from the article entitled "Positive Intelligence" by Shawn Achor. He shows a direct causality between life satisfaction and business results. Here is one example, in 2008, they worked with tax managers during tax season to see if they could make them happier. The tax managers could chose between one of five activites:

-jot 3 things they were grateful for
-write a positive message to someone in their support group
-meditate at their desk for 2 minutes
-exercise for 10 minutes
-take 10 minutes to write in their journal the most meaningful experience of the last day

They were do to their chosen exercise daily for 3 weeks. It made a significant difference in their life satisfaction - a measure that has a strong correlation with productivity. The effect was still measurable after 4 months.

I love this because it shows it doesn't take much to make a big difference!

Art of intentional living

2012-01-13T08:27:00.000-08:00

Just posted the July radio shows - 2 summarize interviews I did on the art of intentional living. It is only 2 five minute segments so I am sure I will have more to say on the subject. Enjoy!

Gratitude

2011-11-06T06:33:00.000-08:00

My friend Pat is posting a gratitude each day on Facebook. What a wonderful idea! I know how much a daily gratitude practice deepens my perspective and elevates my mood. I am not sure I will post every day, but I will focus on restoring my daily practice. In one study, they found remembering 3 blessings a day elevated the mood of chronically depressed adults. I am not depressed, but I tend to lose myself in daily tasks, planning and the mundane. I need to remember how much I have to be grateful for...

Today I am grateful that I had time for a quiet cup of tea, journaling and a good conversation with my husband.

Remembering my Mother

2011-09-22T16:04:00.000-07:00

It seems ironic to need an urn just weeks before our official launch of Studio Formå. My mother, Janet Davison Thayer, passed away in July. She had been ill with congestive heart failure for a long time. Still dealing with this loss and all of the tasks that come with death has been hard.

Mom did indicate she was to be cremated and to be buried (along with her husband) in the family plot in NJ. But she never said anything about her urn. Three factors influenced our choice for a commissioned urn:
• She loved art
• She valued being fiscally conservative
• And we (her 4 children) wanted something special to honor her time on this earth

Tom suggested a simple bronze box with something sketched on the outside to reflect her life. He was a bit taken back when we brainstormed 6 different items. He wasn’t sure he could do it; he did and I love the final product.

Tom did not put a protective coating on. As we admire the urn between now and Oct 14 when we inter her ashes, our finger prints become part of the finish.

I imagine a thousand years from now an archeologist discovering this bronze beauty. Looking at the box she will know a bit about Mom’s life and see from this unique urn that she was loved.

The Art of Intentional Living

2011-06-27T10:47:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about this phrase for several reasons. One is our new webiste Studio Forma and the other reason is a presentation I am scheduled to deliver on July 5th. To broaden my thinking I have asked several friends to share their reflections on the art of intentional living. One thing that surprised me is how the friends I picked to interview did not see themselves as role models for living intentionally. Nick Nissley, Dean, Business Technologies
Cincinnati State Technical and Community College, helped me understand this when he differentiated the short story from the long story of intentional living. For the long story, it can look messy day-to-day or even month-to-month.It is only when you look back can you see the series of choices that created an intentional life.

I find that freeing. Some days are reactive and habitual. Some days I show up; more conscious, more intentional. Barry Oshry said, “Life goes on inertia and if we are lucky we get a chance to pull away what really doesn’t fit.” Another friend talked about the gifts of speed bumps. When you are knocked out of your current story and then able to choose a more life-affirming one.

Living intentionally is messy business and may not show on every page of your life; the hope is that it is the underlying theme of your whole story.

What is the art of intentional living to you?

Resilience, Lessons from Brene Brown

2011-05-29T08:55:00.000-07:00

Earlier this year, I was delighted and challenged to read Brene Brown's book "The Gifts of Imperfection". It deepened my understanding of shame. It was comforting to know that my deep fear that I am not _____ (smart, thin,thoughtful, courageous athletic, parent, daughter...)enough is in every human being capable of human connection. In Dr Brown's research she documented what she called "whole hearted people"; people with shame resilience. The day after reading the book, I made a mistake. A big one. A wash of shame filled my gut. Then I remembered the book; I did not have to let shame stay in the driver seat. I remembered 3 keys to resilience: courage, compassion and connection. I admitted my mistake to those involved (and offered to make amends. I shared my story with trusted friends. And I felt compassion for myself. It was a mistake. One that I caught right away. A mistake doesn't make me less than... it is part of the human condition.

"Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do." Brene Brown, "The Gifts of Imperfection"

What Do I Trust?

2011-05-22T08:36:00.000-07:00

It has been a week of disappointments... catching a local woman shoplifting in our little gallery and then having a casual friend damage something of mine. Both of these incidents felt awful. With the shoplifter, we have an ally with sheriff and county attorney. The fact that she has stolen art from other galleries strengthens our resolve to follow through.

It is harder to know how to move forward with my casual friend. It wasnt just that she damaged something. It was her changing story about what had happened. I am not sure how trust gets re-built. Can it? The first time this person challenged my trust, we talked about it. Mistakes happen I thought. Maybe I wasn't listening well. The 2nd time I found her changing story did not match the facts as they unfolded; trust was broken. I am pulling away from this woman. She doesn't see why her hiding information reduced my trust; I have little hope for change. Maybe I was naive to forgive the first incident. I have a habit of being optimistic without cause. And I know optimism isn't delusional; it is looking at reality as it is and choosing to focus on love. So I wish both of these women well. But that is not the same as trusting them...

Standing In My Power

2010-12-05T08:33:00.000-08:00

I have given this talk before. It is a question I care about. How do I not live small? How do I have to courage to show up authentically AND open-hearted? So much of the dialogue about power is about power-over. CORE power (centered, real, authentic) frees me from power-over.

Resources I found helpful include:

Learned Optimism, Martin Seligman
Let Your Life Speak, Parker Palmer
Mindsets, Carol Dweck
I Thought It Was Just Me, Brene Brown
Peak Performance, collection of Harvard Business Review articles

www.consciousembodiment.com, Wendy Palmer
www.mindsetsonline.com, the work of Carol Dweck

Focus Ideas

2010-11-03T19:17:00.000-07:00

Why is it so hard to not respond to e-mails right away? I have always loved getting mail, but this is ridiculous. Time can dissolve while I respond to some not so urgent requests. Without being intentional and using some discipline, I will never get to the important but not urgent stuff. I can't even keep up with what lands on my desk unless I use my time more consciously. I am not going for perfection, however, I would like to be a bit more intentional.

Tips I have heard or tried:
This morning, I only had 30 minutes for one design AND I was shocked how much I got done when I focused.

Get up every 30 minutes -- one friend keeps a small cup of water on her desk so she has to get up regularly

Dont turn on the computer until you have done something important

Meditate, go for a walk, or something to collect yourself in the middle of the day.

Focus in Busy Times

2010-11-01T07:56:00.000-07:00

I have been reading a lot about energy over the past few years -- how do I consciously steward my own. My current areas of leverage are physical and focus. I have added a few new positive practices to help me in the physical arena; I now have a trainer and a few days a week, I put on my work-out clothes first thing and am not allowed to shower until I do "something". Now, I need a ritual to help me with eating (particulary sugary stuff). My husband and daughter love the website Fitday. I will try tracking my food on that.

On the focus front, journaling each morning helps (now that habit is ingrained). I am going to add: setting my intention for the day and noting what I am grateful for.

What are some of the ways you focus your energy on what matters most?

Focusing Energy on What Matters Most

2010-10-25T11:45:00.000-07:00

What makes the difference?
One of the most important lessons I have learned in my career is the power of a time out. From short breaks in the day to silent retreats. It is amazing how stepping away clears my vision, renews my energy and generates creative ideas. That is why I am walking across the deck to sit silently in A Room of One's Own for 48 hours during one of my busiest times. My intention is to restore my energy and to see through my massive "to do" list to discern what is really mine to do.

I am grateful that I have the carved the space. Grateful I can stay close to home. And grateful my husband supports these breaks. After the last one, I came back in such a good mood, he suggested I should do these more often...I think I will!

Living Intentionally

2010-08-12T06:44:00.000-07:00

"Ninety percent of the game is half mental." Yogi Berra

A friend recommended the book, Mind Gym. It is written by Gary Mack, a sport psychologist, about the inner game. It is helpful to be reminded how powerful our intentions can be. Once you reach a certain level of competency, the mental skills become more important for performance. I have 2 presentations this fall. When I think about either, I get nervous. I can hear fear's voice take hold, " Are you good enough?" "Do you have anything important to teach?"... So I have started to add a mental rehearsal to my preparation. I started by doing an exercise recommended by Mack, think of a time when you were performing at your best." Using that experience, I can recall how I felt. I imagine myself the day of the presentation. I feel myself performing at my best. Relaxed, open-hearted, and grounded. I can even imagine having a negative thought creep in and easily changing the mental channel back to my intention. Of course,I have to keep crafting my message and refining my stories. And it is fun to begin sketching in a positive story in my mind's eye.

"Learn to use your mind or your mind will use you. Actions follow our thoughts and images. Don't look where you don't want to go." Gary Mack

success?

2010-08-02T07:14:00.000-07:00

"Success is a journey, not a destination." Arthur Ashe

I do not really like the word success. Usually I associate it with an accomplishment or outside accolades. This quote by Arthur Ashe reframed the meaning for me. Success is the process. Yes, results matter and they are temporary. How am I living the process?

I have been reading the caringbridge site for a beloved local man in hospice care. The testimonies are about how he lived his life, not what he did. Why is that so hard to remember day-to-day? When I recently told a colleague I am thinking my purpose is to "celebrate the art of living", she challenged me. "it is not big enough," she said. I do not agree -- living in the present, with gratitude, while celebrating life --- that is a life-time of challenge.

We Become The Stories We Tell Ourselves

2010-06-26T09:43:00.000-07:00

"We become the stories we tell ourselves." Nick Nissley

It is disappointing to notice the tenacity of an old story. I am living the sentences from the 2002 version of my story. Traveling too much with little time for creative endeavors. Each morning is the start of a marathon of activity.

My friend and colleague Narandja shared an exercise called Rut versus River stories (the metaphor is from Dawna Markova's book,Wide Open: On Living with Purpose and Passion).

Rut stories are the stories we tell ourselves again and again about how stuck we are, or why we are so stuck. These stories tranquilize the teller. They allow the storyteller to keep his/her view of the world, unchanged. Most often rut stories are sustained by the teller not seeing their part in creating the condition.

My busy-ness is a rut story.

River stories -- carry us towards purpose and possibilities -- are the stories that flow. These are stories that empower us to think of ourselves as of capable of change and choice.

This is the process I am doing to help me shift back into the River Story:

1. Center myself
2. Write the Rut Story (or draw it, or act it, or create a myth...)
3. Honor the Rut Story, notice how is has served me.
4. Conduct a ritual to destroy the Rut Story (burn it, bury it...)
5. Center and cleanse my energy (bodywork, bath, walk in the woods...)
6. Create the river story -- using qualities not specifics (write, draw, enact it)
7. Put the river story in a special place and allow the new story to flow in

I started to write "if it works" and realized that part of the creating the River Story is trusting. So when it works you will see more blogs and creative endeavors from my spacious days....

Reflection without shame

2010-04-25T02:58:00.001-07:00

So what was the big deal. As I sit at home, looking at the lake, it seems inconceivable that 6 more days in Europe was the source of any stress. What was the roller coaster of emotion about? Powerlessness? Fatigue? Uncertainty?

If you were to tell me I was going to be stuck in Amsterdam for 6 days, I would envision a totally different script. Meditating for hours, looking at art, creating art, writing, walking, beer in outdoor cafes. And there was some of that. And there were hours on hold trying to get a flight booked, watching the news to see if relief was in sight, exploring options (boats, rental cars, buying cars (to get to Spain), crowds, and huge crushing lines for service.

At times, I had a lot of trouble centering... the fear of being stuck was so huge. It is embarrassing and yet early on Tom and I had the policy of "no shoulda, woulda, coulda". So instead I am trying to harvest my lessons:

*mindfulness practices now will increase my access to being centered in times of stress (so up the practice)

*I don't need much stuff to be happy -- losing our baggage (later found in Minneapolis) was not a concern. Toothpaste and a one change of clothes kept life simple

*Many times I lost perspective and now I can learn from it instead of use it to beat myself up

*It helps to have support from friends, my husband and anonymous travel agents on the phone. Even the little "thinking of you notes" meant a lot.

Do we dare hope?

2010-04-19T22:56:00.000-07:00

I noticed last night, when we received official word flights from Amsterdam would resume today, I was afraid to celebrate. I did not want to feel too hopeful as the disapointment of another cancellation would be harder. (With the ash still spewing and the airlines scrambling, cancellations are a real possibility) Is this realism or cynicism? How often do I not allow myself to feel what I feel?

Meanwhile, we have another day in The Netherlands. We will do as the locals do, get on a bike!

My personal power lab -- still stuck in Amsterdam

2010-04-19T08:39:00.001-07:00

I am in a personal Power Lab (www.powerandsystems.com) Carrying around our little plastic bag of personal belongings (luggage is only available if you wait 6 hours while they manually search for bags that look like yours) working at the edge of my assumptions about power. I have long struggled with my image of holding up the world – it is all up to me. Along with that assumption is the false notion I can control things. The volcano is a formidable teacher. I am both learning to accept what is and keep focused on what I want to have happen.

I have been so appreciative of folks checking in, offering ideas, offering their support. Strangers offering their homes! Travel agents doing the best they can as they assist caller after caller.

Also, so many pieces of valuable advice have come my way. One category of coaching is to work on acceptance: enjoy being in Amsterdam – be present with what is. And I see the wisdom in that. At times I am accepting – particularly when I feel some hope. And it is hard to find that peaceful place amidst reports this delay could go on for WEEKS. I feel like I am driving from Nebraska through the rockies, each dip is deeper. I see that I need more mindfulness practice so I can quiet my mind easily. Fear has a tenacious grip when she wants to keep me safe (comfortable, "secure"). Adrenaline pumps, sleep is difficult, judgment impaired. It helps that our 4th hotel in 5 nights is near the airport and in a small town. Being in nature is critical for me to get grounded. Tom has been a great coach too. I am very grateful that we are together.

Another category of advice is “get moving”. Get a boat lined up (QEII has a suite for 10,000), go to Spain or Italy, rent a car, buy a car and ship it back… move towards the possibilities. There is wisdom here too. There is some value in staying informed and doing what we can from our end to get home. And when I swing too far, I never stop my computer research to notice the beauty around me. Again, tom is helpful here too.

The learning lab continues, no one knows when it will end...

The cloud continues

2010-04-17T11:40:00.000-07:00

48 hours ago, we were stranded in Amsterdam. The first day, I was pumping adrenaline and fear had the dominant voice. Then we began to relax into our Monday departure. Why not enjoy Amsterdam? We had never spent time here. Instead of lamenting the choices we did not make... be present... many folks have laughed at us "What is bad about being stranded in Europe?" So we got a hotel in center city and bought some basics (did I mention our luggage is not available to us). We toured a huge flower garden, rode the canals, had beer while looking at great architecture and interesting bike riders. Tomorrow we will rent bikes to get into the country. I can get by, even do some of my work here over the next week. And yet as the volcano continues to spew and the winds continue to blow, it really could be a week or more that we are trapped unless we take action. We have fantasized about buying a scooter and riding down to Spain where planes are flying. Tom has looked at riding a freighter (not high on my list). What is so special about getting home? As Dorothy so clearly said with each tap -- there is no place like home.

Dealing with what is

2010-04-16T01:18:00.000-07:00

We got to the airport early, anxious to get home to the states after almost 2 weeks of travel. To get on an earlier flight was $250, so we decided to wait as our scheduled flight was 4 hours before the airport closed. Mechanical delays, cancellations and rebookings had us on a flight to detroit. We were settled and ready to take off at 5:30. However the 7:00 closing (due to the volcanic cloud of ash) was moved up to 5:30. Stranded. They told us we could not get our luggage and there were no rooms. Luckily our WONDERFUL agent (linda stone, Am Ex, Center for Creative Leadership) found us great accomodations for 1 night. And yet when I watch the news and see this might be for 2 weeks, I get sick inside. $250 looks like a reasonable price to avoid this. Still, this is what is. Why do I feel so awful? Is it because I was stranded during 9/11 as well? Is it because I feel vulnerable and powerless? And yet we are so lucky. I am with my husband. We have a bed and safe place to sleep. We have credit cards to get us food and transport? What is like to really be displaced? To live in war? To lose your home? I have taken so much for granted. I am so blessed. Time to work on my gratitude journal.

Being Present

2010-04-02T15:16:00.000-07:00

Why is showing up, moment to moment, so hard? My mind swoops and dives forward and backwards in time. I miss the smell of the air, the spring buds, the silliness of my puppy... I was reminded of this by 2 people this week. My friend Beryl Singleton Bissell commented on last week's quote and question:

"To allow oneself to be carried away
by a multitude of conflicting concerns,
to surrender to too many demands,
to commit oneself to too many projects,
to want to help everyone in everything,
is to succumb to the violence of our times."

~Thomas Merton

How am I succumbing to the violence of our times?

Beryl wrote back: "I find myself succumbing to this violence each time I forget to be fully present to whatever it is I am doing. Instead I rush through things to get to what should be an “attitude” but instead has become a “place.” (you can read more of her reflection on her blog: http://findingtimeforgod.blogspot.com/2010/03/violence-of-daily.html)

And then, in another conversation about self-care, a friend said she relishes the small slice of time she takes each morning before her young children wake.

What would this week be like if I were a little more present? Relishing the moments?

What is your sound?

2010-03-26T14:02:00.000-07:00

"Sometimes it takes a long time to sound like yourself."
~Miles Davis

What sounds like you?

This question got several immediate comments when it went out as the question of the week last Sunday. It resonates with me too. Why? It takes self-awareness and courage to sound like myself. I suppose early on I sounded like myself and then I learned. Then I sounded like my mother or my teachers. Later I sounded like the dominant voices in the room (I liked to be liked and I hate conflict -- two powerful mute buttons). Then I wanted to sound more authentic but was sure I would be judged harshly. That was terrifying as it would affirm my worse fears. As I learned to quiet the judge, I then had to get quiet enough to hear my whole voice (not just my head voice, but my heart and gut voice). It does take a long time and it still a work in process.

Kindness begats kindness

2010-03-12T13:04:00.000-08:00

"Kindness in words creates confidence.
Kindness in thinking creates profundity.
Kindness in giving creates love." ~ Lao Tzu

Last week while I was shopping at Target, a woman said, "Hold on, I have a coupon for that." She had seen me pick up the jumbo pack of paper towels. Such a small act and yet as I notice more random acts of kindness, I feel hopeful. When I watch too many hours of "news", I worry about the evil created by fear. I am pained at the destruction we can cause in the name of power. And then there was the lady at Target. OK, she wasn't resolving world hunger or ending war, or maybe she was. Doesn't peace start within us and around us?

In Wayne Dyer's book, The Power of Intention, he sites research on the power of kindness. A single act of kindness increases the levels of serotonin in the recipient of the kindness and the one being kind. Even those who witness the act of kindness are effected the same! Kindness creates more well-being in ourselves and in those around us. Thanks Target lady for the reminder.

Leo Buscaglia said, "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."

What might I become?

2010-03-05T15:42:00.000-08:00

"It is never too late to become what you might have been." ~George Eliot

It is not to late to become...?

Last week's question evoked several responses from recipients -- it is a provocative question. It has moved me to reflect as well. What path have I denied? Where have I lived small or chosen safety over passion? What path did I avoid because I did not know if I could do it well enough?

I do want to celebrate the choices I have made. Choosing a wonderful guy with whom I am continually growing. Moving to the edge of the world so I can breath clean air and hear my heart. Doing work I feel privileged to do. Living with the support of family, friends and my community.

So what is it that I have yet to become? A few things come to mind. Be more present and be more courageous. I love when I remeber to be open-heartedly present. In the moment, not working the next agenda. I have tasted those sweet moments
-- when I look at the star-cluttered sky late at night when I take Hannah outside
-- when I remember to inhale
-- when I remember now is all there is

Courage to share my creative side has been a hard road. Tom is the artist. My sister is the artist. My college roommate is the artist. And yet I know feel most alive when I allow myself to create. Not just create but to share it. I experiemented with that last year doing skits with speeches. Now I am ready to share some of the little ditties I have written. Are they stupid? Will anyone relate? Is my loving them enough? Yes. Here they come...

Living in the question with patience

2010-02-10T11:48:00.000-08:00

"Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day."
from Letters to a Young Poet
by Rainer Maria Rilke

What questions do I need to live into? There are so many to choose from: How do I bring more joy into my moments? Why do I keep thinking there is not enough time? How do I live more in the present? What do I want for dinner? Like most traditionally schooled leaders, I used to think answers were the ticket to success or happiness. Now I find more possibilities in the questions and then experimenting with answers. Why did I need to have answers? To look smart. To fight the fear of uncertainty. To pretend I was competent. And yet to be fully alive and resilient questions are the answer.

Are you calling it a life or what in life is calling you?

2010-02-05T06:20:00.000-08:00

"Listen, are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?
Mary Oliver

What in life is calling you?

My friend Lynn reminded me everytime we have made a heart-felt commitment, things have fallen in place. Last year she committed to being with her very ill mother and even in a recession, work fell in place that supported her decision. When Tom and I decided to build this house, we planned to tear the old shack down before we knew how we would pay for a new one. A client called and asked if I would mind quadrupling the work for the next year. I had visions of doors and windows delightedly dancing in my head.

So the question is are there some ways I am living small... too afraid to respond to the call? This past year, it was having the courage to put my voice out into the world. Still a struggle (with the little, who do you think you are voice) and I am grateful for my progress. What is calling me now is creativity? Not just playing in that realm, but having the courage to share what I create. So watch for some little myths to pop out into the world this year.

Giving my power away

2010-01-24T11:28:00.000-08:00

"The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any."

Alice Walker

Where do you have power?

After years of learning about power, at times I still give it away.

One way is I allow others to decide if I am enough, OK, smart, or worthy... It is a very old habit, one that I could dwell in comfortably uncomfortable for the rest of my days. I feel fortunate to have found some paths out of it. I am motivated. When I see my lovely friends, colleagues and clients admit this same syndrome it makes me sad. Such a waste... can't they see they are OK, worthy, and more than enough? Can't I?

The other way I give it away is when I focus on how others should change and don't examine my part in the dance. It is gratifying to blame others for my condition (see www.powerandsystems.com for some great materials on this) and empty. I have focused on how my husband could change and grow for years (sorry honey) and only in the past years truly explored what was going on as our shared dance. Change my dance steps and it is possible for the dance to change.

How could I bring more joy into my days?

2010-01-14T16:34:00.000-08:00

"How we feel about ourselves, the joy we get from living, ultimately depends directly on how the mind filters and interprets everyday experiences."

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of Flow

Was it because this was the question of the week that I have been noticing how I make sense of things or was this just a week full of triggers. It feels so freeing when I can switch the "little voice in my head channel" after getting hooked on something. I am grateful for a full plate of work, so why did I feel like a reject when some work went away. I noticed how I took it personally and then laughed. Amazingly, it is not all about me.

A few things that helped me change the channel back to joy (or at least contentedness):

Gratefulness practices. At night, before going to sleep, I remember what I am grateful for. That has quieted what my friend calls her "internal terrorist".

And loving kindness meditation has quieted my internal critic and gently brought me back to a more joyful place.

Practicing being present. Not multi-tasking. Noticing the sweet air when I walk or the contented breathing of my sleeping puppy.

Energy follows thought

2010-01-06T14:52:00.000-08:00

Energy follows thought so what am I giving energy to?

Life is way to short to have my task master voice channel all my energy on the
"to do" list. Lately, I have been struggling to maintain my self-care practices let alone pursue the creative endeavors I have been longing for. So I journaled a dialogue between my task master voice and my creative queen voice. It helped to give her some journal air time. She has negotiated for 2-3 hours each morning to do as she pleases. So far that involved laying in bed after the alarm and stretching; journaling, reading Flow, exercising, staring and meditating. I love this space. And I hear my task master voice impatiently nipping at the time -- "How about we just download the e-mails now." or "Do you really need 3 hours today?" And the creative queen voice in my head responds in a languorous, southern voice. "Now honey, wait your turn. You know this is good for you. You will do better work having spent some time with me." I know hearing voices is a mental health issue. In this case, it is enhancing mine.

Joyfully participating

2009-12-29T08:05:00.000-08:00

“Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world. We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy.”
Jos Campbell

It is tricky for me to see that I have a choice. Especially when I am tired, distracted and overwhelmed. And because of my unconscious choices, I am often tired, distracted and overwhelmed. My daily practices are critical for me -- whether it is meditation, journaling, walking or writing. I need something to help me slow down to see the different paths... To make the joyful choices.

Holidays are the worst for slowing down. I have years of conditioning -- this is the time of running around. If there is spare time, my reflex is to bake 8 doz cookies or make my cards from scratch. So this is the time I have to increase my practices to meet the tsunami of activity. Then I can joyfully participate in the holidays.

Related to Happiness

2009-12-21T04:13:00.000-08:00

"It is worth striving to get the right relationships between yourself and others, between yourself and your work, and between yourself and something larger than yourself. If you get these relationships right, a sense of purpose and meaning will emerge." ~Jonathan Haidt, conclusion of The Happiness Hypothesis

Which relationship(s) need attention?

After a very busy fall, my relationship to myself has eroded. Daily practices have become tattered, exercise eratic. At least now I don't think of this as hopeless or a sign of my failings as a person. It just is part of life. So I start up robust self-care once again. I know when I do this well, it cascades into every other relationship.

question of the week -- Dec 13

2009-12-14T04:21:00.000-08:00

"I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it." ~Pablo Picasso

What do I need to learn how to do?

For a long time I wouldn't do something unless I was good at it. A serious impediment to learning. Somehow, I had a message in my head that if I was less than great, if I tried something and failed, I was a failure. So over the years I stopped playing tennis, drawing or learning guitar. I have unfinished articles and myths stacked in my digital files because a sophmore year writing teacher assured me I had no talent for writing. Now I am tired of that story. Why not let my flawed, not so great self show a bit more? Life will be more fun and I can learn a lot more that way.

Happiness on my mind

2009-12-11T15:18:00.000-08:00

I am focusing the radio features on happiness the month of December. It is humbling. I had to change the words happiness/joy to well-being/contentedness. That felt more accessible. It is interesting to note each day when I have felt "happy". It is surprising, I find myself doing my days, unconscious of my state of well-being. You would think after focusing on gratitude in November I would.. what? be more consciously grateful? Maybe this is a case of those who can do, and those who are still learning do blogs and radio features...

Building my response-ability

2009-11-23T05:24:00.000-08:00

In the past year I have learned a bit about how the brain works, mostly from a book called My Stroke of Insight by Jill Bolte Taylor, about a 37 year old brain researcher who had a stroke. From her stroke, which disabled the left hemisphere of her brain, she learned first hand some of the mysteries of the brain. In her book, she talks about how fear short circuits our ability to think – basically takes over the thinking brain. It is like, the big brain is driving you along in life, and when fear gets evoked, it pushes the big brain out of the driver seat and into the back. That can be helpful in times of immediate danger – fight or flight situations. And it can be disabling when you really need to think. Dr Taylor talks about building our response-ability. Choosing our response as opposed to having these flashes of strong emotion take over the driver seat. When we have a strong emotion, it physically takes hold of us for 90 seconds. It is like a 2 year-old having a tantrum, you can’t stop it during those 90 seconds. But after the 90 seconds we have a choice (response-ability). It was not long after reading this book, that I got to try that out. I was teaching a workshop and it was not going well – it seemed the class was bored – I certainly was. My first response was to beat myself up – why didn’t you design a better class, you have really messed up – that sort of thing. Luckily the book came to mind, and I thought “Is this way of thinking helping me?” No, of course not. So I took a deep breath, a few times… quieted down… I didn’t fight my internal dialogue, I just acknowledged my bad habit of being hard on myself and said not now. Then I started to get some thoughts about how to turn the workshop around. Lots of ideas started popping about what I could do.

Not all situations can we so easily shift out of an emotion – depression, grief, anger or other strong emotions may well take more support or need to be allowed to run their course. And yet, in our day to day life, when fear or other strong emotions get evoked, we may be able to choose our response. Not by fighting the feeling, but by acknowledging it and then focusing on something else – like what we are grateful for, or what we want to create. It is worth my time to build my ability to be “response able”

Gratitude

2009-11-16T18:26:00.000-08:00

A few years ago, when I was going through a scary work transition, I noticed at night I would worry about what was going to happen. How would it be if things didn’t work out? How would we survive? At that point I started to remember all I was grateful for before I went to sleep. On bad days, all I could think of was a roof over my head or being warm. On better days, I was thankful for many more small and large blessings in my life. My family, friends, getting to do work I value… It was so helpful for me to calm down and be present as opposed to working myself into a frenzy about “what could happen…”

Brother David Steinl Rast put banana stickers on things he took for granted. (As a monk he did not have much, so the stickers on bananas were handy.) So he put stickers on his light switch to remember to be thankful for electricity or on the water tap to remember to be thankful for running water. I thought that was a great idea. I wonder if I could get a sticker to adhere to my husband or other loved ones I take for granted.

Brain research implications for change

2009-10-20T03:52:00.000-07:00

My business partner, Ginny, e-mailed me a fascinating article by David Rock and Jeffrey Schwartz entitled "The Neuroscience of Leadership". In summary it shows that change is painful, behavorism doesn't work and humanism is overrated. Brain research shows the power of focusing on what you are trying to create; letting people come up with their own answers (by using genuine questions) and focusing/reinforcing insights.

The Neuroscience of Leadership, Strategy and Business Issue 43
D Rock, J Schwartz

Starting a day

2009-09-04T06:09:00.000-07:00

I have a huge list of things I should do first thing each morning. Walk, journal, freefall write, meditate, greet the lake, set my agenda, check e-mails, get a headstart on work, sit with a cup of warm tea and watch the day brighten, tweet, facebook and now I have added another potential thing BLOG. I know how I start a day makes a big difference in my experience of the day. And unlike some of my more disciplined friends, I seem to do best if I pick from one of the reflective practices. AND I seem to do best if I accept I cannot do it all. Or at least I choose not to get up at 4:30. Today it was a walk with my husband who reminded me that talking about work can take the joy out of the moment. I still have so much to learn.