Sunday, May 29, 2011

Resilience, Lessons from Brene Brown

Earlier this year, I was delighted and challenged to read Brene Brown's book "The Gifts of Imperfection". It deepened my understanding of shame. It was comforting to know that my deep fear that I am not _____ (smart, thin,thoughtful, courageous athletic, parent, daughter...)enough is in every human being capable of human connection. In Dr Brown's research she documented what she called "whole hearted people"; people with shame resilience. The day after reading the book, I made a mistake. A big one. A wash of shame filled my gut. Then I remembered the book; I did not have to let shame stay in the driver seat. I remembered 3 keys to resilience: courage, compassion and connection. I admitted my mistake to those involved (and offered to make amends. I shared my story with trusted friends. And I felt compassion for myself. It was a mistake. One that I caught right away. A mistake doesn't make me less than... it is part of the human condition.

"Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do." Brene Brown, "The Gifts of Imperfection"

Sunday, May 22, 2011

What Do I Trust?

It has been a week of disappointments... catching a local woman shoplifting in our little gallery and then having a casual friend damage something of mine. Both of these incidents felt awful. With the shoplifter, we have an ally with sheriff and county attorney. The fact that she has stolen art from other galleries strengthens our resolve to follow through.

It is harder to know how to move forward with my casual friend. It wasnt just that she damaged something. It was her changing story about what had happened. I am not sure how trust gets re-built. Can it? The first time this person challenged my trust, we talked about it. Mistakes happen I thought. Maybe I wasn't listening well. The 2nd time I found her changing story did not match the facts as they unfolded; trust was broken. I am pulling away from this woman. She doesn't see why her hiding information reduced my trust; I have little hope for change. Maybe I was naive to forgive the first incident. I have a habit of being optimistic without cause. And I know optimism isn't delusional; it is looking at reality as it is and choosing to focus on love. So I wish both of these women well. But that is not the same as trusting them...