"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have." ~Koenig

Because this week I was particularly disturbed by the troubles of the world, I thought it would be a good time to take the test online at Positivityratio.com again. (see my July 28 blog) Dr Barbara Frederickson suggests you take the test every day for 2 weeks to get a sense of what you are paying attention to. So I did it most days this week. 80% who take this inventory to do not reach the tipping point to flourish, so I did not feel so alone when I didn't reach it either. I decided to be more conscious of what I was paying attention to. I paid attention to things I don't ordinarily notice: waking up under warm covers; the snuggles of my dog; the beauty around me; the taste of my morning tea. and I recited my blessings as I was falling asleep at night. Gratitude is a practice. When I take the time to relish all of the blessings in my life it eases the constant urge to do and have more. I have more than enough.

"When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." -Lao Tzu

It was a turbulent week on a personal and community level: my mother’s birthday without her here; friends harsh words; community conflict... So much pain overlayed on a holiday season celebrating love & light. Seeking to ease my pain, I opened John O'Donohue's book To Bless the Space Between Us. I was struck by his definition of a blessing: “A circle of light drawn around a person to protect, heal, and strengthen." I found great comfort in his a “Blessing for the New Year”, Beannacht. Listen to the author recite these beautiful blessing himself.

And so may a slow Wind work these words Of love around you, An invisible cloak To mind your life. Selected portion of Beannacht by John O'Donohue

May your New Year contain many blessings.

Savoring the Positive

"Over time, positivity literally brings out the best in you."~ Barbara Frederickson, author of Positivity

Recently, I was preparing for a presentation entitled, "Uncovering Your Strengths". In researching the business case for a strengths-based approach, I came across the work of Barbara Frederickson. In her book, Positivity, she describes the research on the benefits of positive emotions. If we notice and cultivate positive moments in our days, over time we will increase our health, our relationships, and our resilience. And it is important to note, this only works if you are truly experiencing the positive emotion. Faked positivity is actually harmful to your health. And being positive without negative is not real and it does not reap the benefits of true positive emotions. Frederickson explores: awe, inspiration, gratitude, interest, pride, hope, serenity, amusement, joy and love. When I was telling my husband about what I was learning, he said in the most gentle way, do you think you are at the healthy ratio? (3:1 is the tipping point; 13:1 is too much positivity). Of course, he was right. I have a deeply ingrained pattern of judging, critiquing and moving too fast. I took the online test and found I was with the 80%. This meant I was below the tipping point. My first score was 2.4:1. My second 2:1. Then yesterday I aced it - scoring 9:1. The test score reflected my experience of yesterday. I took my time to do a few nice things for myself. I savored the sun and beauty of my home. I relished the time I had with friends. A great way to spend a day. Now I need to learn how to do that when I am overcommited. I know I can with some time and practice.

By opening our hearts and minds, positive emotions allow us to discover and build new skills, new ties, new knowledge and new ways of being." ~ Barbara Frederickson

"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." -Anaïs Nin

In response to last week's question of the week - What is the risk to blossom? I received the following reflection from Joanne (aka Chuckie) Books: Subject line on the email read: Boy do I know risk. Can’t sleep. Now your reflection Q is waking me up even more! Heres my first thought - Risk is turning yourself inside out - because the tightness is not longer bearable. The risk to blossom can be HUGE and painful for a what seems like a very long time - but there is a blossom. And, when you feel the leaves moving outward towards the sun, you feel with all your senses, alive. But while you are blossoming, there are polarities - in one single moment you feel sadness and grieving and joy and hope. Life is full of many hues and tones - it’s not black and white. I am painting my living room grey.

Seasons Greetings - lessons from the past 18 months

Happy Summer Solstice! During the traditional time for such missives, I did not have the energy or clarity to send out much. Now, after a blessed retreat, I am ready to share some of my recent lessons --- * Retreats aid intentional living. I had no real idea why I was going to Ireland for 4 weeks. Our trip was like falling through a crack in time; all moved at a different pace. John O’Donohue said, “We have made time the enemy. Stress is a perverted relationship with time. Time is the mother of all presence.” For many years, I have started each day “knowing” there was not enough time – I think this is his definition of perverted. The gift of my work is that it requires me to fully show up; I am continuing to learn how to bask in the spaciousness of now. *Self Awareness is so much easier with compassion. Thanks to my lessons in self-compassion I am more able to notice what I actually do or say. I feel more open-hearted, even around my shadow. It is helps knowing I may not use these observations to beat myself up. *Attention is powerful – use it wisely. Reading about neuroscience this year has given me great hope for change. We CAN sculpt our brains by what we attend to; what do I want to focus on? That requires both knowing what I want to create and awareness of where my attention is going. This awareness has encouraged me to enhance my mindfulness practices. *When you follow your heart, it is amazing to watch how it unfolds. Many wise people have said something similar to Joseph Campbell’s quote “Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.” And even though I have experienced that before and believe it for others; I am challenged to hold the faith for myself. And yet, as I get clear about where I want to focus my energy once again opportunities open up that I did not imagine. For example, I knew I wanted to host more retreats this year. The number is up 200% over last year and growing... Knowing how powerful it is to focus on what I want to create, I am sllllllooooowwwwlllyyyy learning to trust the process. In case you are wondering what readings have been influencing me this year: Buddha's Brain, Flourish, Mindsight and Self Compassion are at the top of the list.

Retreating in Ireland

Noughaval church (upper left) is from the 12th Century. It was not on our maps or in our plan. We stumbled upon it after missing an unmarked ancient burial mound.

I approached this retreat without a goal. I had an intention to be present and to move with my energy; to allow the retreat to unfold. As we face our last week, I wonder if I didn't really have a secret wish for a great "aha" or a creative break through. Instead, so far, I have had a series of little lessons. Dis-mantling Fear Early on I did remembered about the power of fear - driving on the wrong side on these narrow roads at high speeds is terrifying. At times when facing a large upcoming vehicle on my left and a stone wall on my right, I felt like I closed my eyes and prayed I had threaded the needle. (I only told Ellie this much later.) After we arrived in our cottage, we did not use the car for a few days. Then we booked a spa day at the Falls Hotel, only 15 miles away. As the car trip approached, I realized how debilitating my fear was; imagining hitting walls and fire-filled crashes. Once I noticed where my mind was going, my first instinct was to deny it, not give it energy. That was not working; so instead I journaled about the fear. It began to disapate right away. With my fear faced, I practiced centering and visualization. The day before the trip, I imagined driving with ease. I did this as I was falling asleep and again in the morning. And I repeated the basic centering practice I learned from Wendy Palmer.

The ride there was OK, periodically I did a quick centering. The drive home was much better; I felt more in control. Now it is almost like getting into the car at home, almost...

Two lane road on Inisheer, Aran Islands

Submit yourself to the risk of truly becoming. John O'Donohue

We did not know at the time of booking our cottage we were very near where John O'Donohue grew up and is now buried (dying at the age of 52 in early 2008). His first book captured our attention as we thought about naming our women's leadership program Anam Cara (soul friend). His words did not touch me then; now his words are like salve for my weary soul. We listened to one of his last interviews with Krista Tippet and I am reading more of his books as we sit in the landscape that inspired him. Here are just a small samplings of quotes from his website, books and radio show that I am pondering:

Time has become the enemy. Stress is a perverted relationship with time.

Where you are understood, you are home.

When you put energy outwardly, it takes something from the inside. We are debilitating ourselves. We need to learn the art of inwardness. (paraphrase)

There are many more blessings and words that have touched me. Instead of writing more, I am spending the next few days reflecting on them. Note: The photo is a view from his gravesite in Fanore.

Composing a life

Each of us is an artist of our days; the greater the integrity and awareness, the more original and creative our time will become. John O'Donohue

My life is a musical composition; my choices and reactions are the notes. It is hard to see what I am composing. I can see other people's story-line more clearly. My sister and I were reflecting on our mother's life. She did not have much joy. Neither of us remember her laughing. We do remember her anger. It is sad to know she had choices that she did not see. What choices do I not see or hear? If I stop; if I can find stillness for a period of time I may see my composition more clearly. As a person gifted with the ability "to do", it can take a long time. I can get like Lake Superior when the wind has whipped her into formidable waves. Even though the wind has slowed, settling takes time. I am grateful for my day-to-day reflective practices that I have learned over the years. These are like the spaces between the waves. I can sometimes notice discordant notes; make different choices

And on retreat, I become quiet. The still pond reflects. I may get a new perspective on my melody. How do I compose my moments, my days, my life? What life-affirming choices need to be made?

Positive mindsets help you perform better when challenged

The January/February Harvard Business Review explores the value of happiness. Lots of interesting information in this edition. Just wanted to share one study that gave me hope. This is from the article entitled "Positive Intelligence" by Shawn Achor. He shows a direct causality between life satisfaction and business results. Here is one example, in 2008, they worked with tax managers during tax season to see if they could make them happier. The tax managers could chose between one of five activites:

-jot 3 things they were grateful for
-write a positive message to someone in their support group
-meditate at their desk for 2 minutes
-exercise for 10 minutes
-take 10 minutes to write in their journal the most meaningful experience of the last day

They were do to their chosen exercise daily for 3 weeks. It made a significant difference in their life satisfaction - a measure that has a strong correlation with productivity. The effect was still measurable after 4 months.

I love this because it shows it doesn't take much to make a big difference!

Art of intentional living

Just posted the July radio shows - 2 summarize interviews I did on the art of intentional living. It is only 2 five minute segments so I am sure I will have more to say on the subject. Enjoy!