Joyfully participating

“Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world. We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy.”
Jos Campbell

It is tricky for me to see that I have a choice. Especially when I am tired, distracted and overwhelmed. And because of my unconscious choices, I am often tired, distracted and overwhelmed. My daily practices are critical for me -- whether it is meditation, journaling, walking or writing. I need something to help me slow down to see the different paths... To make the joyful choices.

Holidays are the worst for slowing down. I have years of conditioning -- this is the time of running around. If there is spare time, my reflex is to bake 8 doz cookies or make my cards from scratch. So this is the time I have to increase my practices to meet the tsunami of activity. Then I can joyfully participate in the holidays.

Related to Happiness

"It is worth striving to get the right relationships between yourself and others, between yourself and your work, and between yourself and something larger than yourself. If you get these relationships right, a sense of purpose and meaning will emerge." ~Jonathan Haidt, conclusion of The Happiness Hypothesis

Which relationship(s) need attention?

After a very busy fall, my relationship to myself has eroded. Daily practices have become tattered, exercise eratic. At least now I don't think of this as hopeless or a sign of my failings as a person. It just is part of life. So I start up robust self-care once again. I know when I do this well, it cascades into every other relationship.

question of the week -- Dec 13

"I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it." ~Pablo Picasso

What do I need to learn how to do?

For a long time I wouldn't do something unless I was good at it. A serious impediment to learning. Somehow, I had a message in my head that if I was less than great, if I tried something and failed, I was a failure. So over the years I stopped playing tennis, drawing or learning guitar. I have unfinished articles and myths stacked in my digital files because a sophmore year writing teacher assured me I had no talent for writing. Now I am tired of that story. Why not let my flawed, not so great self show a bit more? Life will be more fun and I can learn a lot more that way.

Happiness on my mind

I am focusing the radio features on happiness the month of December. It is humbling. I had to change the words happiness/joy to well-being/contentedness. That felt more accessible. It is interesting to note each day when I have felt "happy". It is surprising, I find myself doing my days, unconscious of my state of well-being. You would think after focusing on gratitude in November I would.. what? be more consciously grateful? Maybe this is a case of those who can do, and those who are still learning do blogs and radio features...

Building my response-ability

In the past year I have learned a bit about how the brain works, mostly from a book called My Stroke of Insight by Jill Bolte Taylor, about a 37 year old brain researcher who had a stroke. From her stroke, which disabled the left hemisphere of her brain, she learned first hand some of the mysteries of the brain. In her book, she talks about how fear short circuits our ability to think – basically takes over the thinking brain. It is like, the big brain is driving you along in life, and when fear gets evoked, it pushes the big brain out of the driver seat and into the back. That can be helpful in times of immediate danger – fight or flight situations. And it can be disabling when you really need to think. Dr Taylor talks about building our response-ability. Choosing our response as opposed to having these flashes of strong emotion take over the driver seat. When we have a strong emotion, it physically takes hold of us for 90 seconds. It is like a 2 year-old having a tantrum, you can’t stop it during those 90 seconds. But after the 90 seconds we have a choice (response-ability). It was not long after reading this book, that I got to try that out. I was teaching a workshop and it was not going well – it seemed the class was bored – I certainly was. My first response was to beat myself up – why didn’t you design a better class, you have really messed up – that sort of thing. Luckily the book came to mind, and I thought “Is this way of thinking helping me?” No, of course not. So I took a deep breath, a few times… quieted down… I didn’t fight my internal dialogue, I just acknowledged my bad habit of being hard on myself and said not now. Then I started to get some thoughts about how to turn the workshop around. Lots of ideas started popping about what I could do.

Not all situations can we so easily shift out of an emotion – depression, grief, anger or other strong emotions may well take more support or need to be allowed to run their course. And yet, in our day to day life, when fear or other strong emotions get evoked, we may be able to choose our response. Not by fighting the feeling, but by acknowledging it and then focusing on something else – like what we are grateful for, or what we want to create. It is worth my time to build my ability to be “response able”

Gratitude

A few years ago, when I was going through a scary work transition, I noticed at night I would worry about what was going to happen. How would it be if things didn’t work out? How would we survive? At that point I started to remember all I was grateful for before I went to sleep. On bad days, all I could think of was a roof over my head or being warm. On better days, I was thankful for many more small and large blessings in my life. My family, friends, getting to do work I value… It was so helpful for me to calm down and be present as opposed to working myself into a frenzy about “what could happen…”

Brother David Steinl Rast put banana stickers on things he took for granted. (As a monk he did not have much, so the stickers on bananas were handy.) So he put stickers on his light switch to remember to be thankful for electricity or on the water tap to remember to be thankful for running water. I thought that was a great idea. I wonder if I could get a sticker to adhere to my husband or other loved ones I take for granted.

Brain research implications for change

My business partner, Ginny, e-mailed me a fascinating article by David Rock and Jeffrey Schwartz entitled "The Neuroscience of Leadership". In summary it shows that change is painful, behavorism doesn't work and humanism is overrated. Brain research shows the power of focusing on what you are trying to create; letting people come up with their own answers (by using genuine questions) and focusing/reinforcing insights.

The Neuroscience of Leadership, Strategy and Business Issue 43
D Rock, J Schwartz

Starting a day

I have a huge list of things I should do first thing each morning. Walk, journal, freefall write, meditate, greet the lake, set my agenda, check e-mails, get a headstart on work, sit with a cup of warm tea and watch the day brighten, tweet, facebook and now I have added another potential thing BLOG. I know how I start a day makes a big difference in my experience of the day. And unlike some of my more disciplined friends, I seem to do best if I pick from one of the reflective practices. AND I seem to do best if I accept I cannot do it all. Or at least I choose not to get up at 4:30. Today it was a walk with my husband who reminded me that talking about work can take the joy out of the moment. I still have so much to learn.