Sunday, January 24, 2010

Giving my power away

"The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any."

Alice Walker


Where do you have power?

After years of learning about power, at times I still give it away.

One way is I allow others to decide if I am enough, OK, smart, or worthy... It is a very old habit, one that I could dwell in comfortably uncomfortable for the rest of my days. I feel fortunate to have found some paths out of it. I am motivated. When I see my lovely friends, colleagues and clients admit this same syndrome it makes me sad. Such a waste... can't they see they are OK, worthy, and more than enough? Can't I?

The other way I give it away is when I focus on how others should change and don't examine my part in the dance. It is gratifying to blame others for my condition (see www.powerandsystems.com for some great materials on this) and empty. I have focused on how my husband could change and grow for years (sorry honey) and only in the past years truly explored what was going on as our shared dance. Change my dance steps and it is possible for the dance to change.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

How could I bring more joy into my days?

"How we feel about ourselves, the joy we get from living, ultimately depends directly on how the mind filters and interprets everyday experiences."

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of Flow

Was it because this was the question of the week that I have been noticing how I make sense of things or was this just a week full of triggers. It feels so freeing when I can switch the "little voice in my head channel" after getting hooked on something. I am grateful for a full plate of work, so why did I feel like a reject when some work went away. I noticed how I took it personally and then laughed. Amazingly, it is not all about me.

A few things that helped me change the channel back to joy (or at least contentedness):

Gratefulness practices. At night, before going to sleep, I remember what I am grateful for. That has quieted what my friend calls her "internal terrorist".

And loving kindness meditation has quieted my internal critic and gently brought me back to a more joyful place.

Practicing being present. Not multi-tasking. Noticing the sweet air when I walk or the contented breathing of my sleeping puppy.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Energy follows thought

Energy follows thought so what am I giving energy to?

Life is way to short to have my task master voice channel all my energy on the
"to do" list. Lately, I have been struggling to maintain my self-care practices let alone pursue the creative endeavors I have been longing for. So I journaled a dialogue between my task master voice and my creative queen voice. It helped to give her some journal air time. She has negotiated for 2-3 hours each morning to do as she pleases. So far that involved laying in bed after the alarm and stretching; journaling, reading Flow, exercising, staring and meditating. I love this space. And I hear my task master voice impatiently nipping at the time -- "How about we just download the e-mails now." or "Do you really need 3 hours today?" And the creative queen voice in my head responds in a languorous, southern voice. "Now honey, wait your turn. You know this is good for you. You will do better work having spent some time with me." I know hearing voices is a mental health issue. In this case, it is enhancing mine.