Sunday, April 25, 2010

Reflection without shame

So what was the big deal. As I sit at home, looking at the lake, it seems inconceivable that 6 more days in Europe was the source of any stress. What was the roller coaster of emotion about? Powerlessness? Fatigue? Uncertainty?

If you were to tell me I was going to be stuck in Amsterdam for 6 days, I would envision a totally different script. Meditating for hours, looking at art, creating art, writing, walking, beer in outdoor cafes. And there was some of that. And there were hours on hold trying to get a flight booked, watching the news to see if relief was in sight, exploring options (boats, rental cars, buying cars (to get to Spain), crowds, and huge crushing lines for service.

At times, I had a lot of trouble centering... the fear of being stuck was so huge. It is embarrassing and yet early on Tom and I had the policy of "no shoulda, woulda, coulda". So instead I am trying to harvest my lessons:

*mindfulness practices now will increase my access to being centered in times of stress (so up the practice)

*I don't need much stuff to be happy -- losing our baggage (later found in Minneapolis) was not a concern. Toothpaste and a one change of clothes kept life simple

*Many times I lost perspective and now I can learn from it instead of use it to beat myself up

*It helps to have support from friends, my husband and anonymous travel agents on the phone. Even the little "thinking of you notes" meant a lot.

1 comment:

  1. Marcia,

    I just returned from another wonderful WLC retreat with my girls, and your post really resonates with me. We talked some about being stuck and having the mentality of being stuck vs. embracing what this place, this lesson, this moment can teach us. When we embrace it - that is the true learning. Yet, wow, is it difficult to do when we want to get home, move on, be in control! Thank you for sharing both your physical, external journey and the internal one - it helps to know we are not alone when we struggle with being stuck. Yet often these are the places of greatest growth and learning.

    Lori

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